Work with Me
Feel better. Focus more. Do big things.
Did you know that some people are not all that concerned about how much they achieve?
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As in: their ability to feel OK doesn't rest on being a great entrepreneur or field-changing scientist or a visionary theatre director. They don’t live out their lives awaiting some kind of final verdict on whether they’re actually good enough.
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We are not these people.
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We’re the people who feel like we have to earn our place on the planet through excellence.
My life feels completely different now.
–Tom
Software Developer
We can’t imagine feeling OK with ourselves if we never reach our chosen goals. There is no live-able future in which we find out we’re not really as smart or talented as we need to be.
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This do-or-die imperative can create a lot of drive for us, which is useful.
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But it creates a lot of other, less welcome things too. Like the persistent, baffling, soul-crushing inability to sit down and actually do the work we really care about. Or the equally persistent, baffling and soul-crushing inability to stop accomplishing things for five consecutive minutes, even though it never makes us feel better for long.
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Whether we're hiding from our goals or running after them on empty, we all wind up in this boat for the same reason:
At some point in our lives, several of our core emotions got wired together with our ability to do certain things well.
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As long as this wiring is intact, we will experience any doubt in our ability to perform like a five-alarm fire, where we are simultaneously the fireman running into the burning building and the person trapped in the blaze.
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We’ll be terrified of every review. We’ll fixate on the one negative comment in a slew of positive feedback. We'll be unable to say 'no' even when we're already overloaded. We’ll be afraid to go after the really big promotion. We’ll avoid finishing the screenplay for 20 fucking years and counting.
Something that should be a joy and a gift—high-level brains and skill—will show up primarily as a stick we use to beat ourselves.
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Until we find a way to make all this suffering stop.​​
The Solution
There is only one way to end this problem for good.
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We have to change the emotional wiring that fuses together our ability to achieve and our ability to tolerate being ourselves.
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Most help out there leaves this wiring intact, which means it doesn’t actually resolve the issue. Basically, we get some assistance setting up a bucket brigade, but the five-alarm-fire rages on.
This is really important to know, if you’ve been blaming yourself for not having fixed this whole thing sooner. It’s not that you didn’t really want to put out the fire or that you didn't lug a lot of water to do it. It’s just that you didn’t yet have the right tool for the job.
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The tool you need is called memory reconsolidation.
Memory reconsolidation an inbuilt mechanism the brain has for altering deep emotional learning.
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Unlike other techniques (including CBT and meditation), memory reconsolidation doesn’t create new neural pathways alongside the old ones.
Instead, memory reconsolidation permanently alters the original emotional learning, by removing the old beliefs and inserting the new.​
Thanks to Jane for doing what she does and doing it so well. Don't think words can describe my shift. Honestly. I'm a different human.
–Oladoyin
Energy Systems Analyst
This means you never have to worry about backsliding or reverting to old habits, because the old habits aren’t there to revert to. You don’t struggle to hold onto new, more enabling perspectives about yourself or your value, because the new ones have literally replaced the old ones. You don’t find yourself reverting to the old crappy thoughts at moments of crisis, because the brain automatically returns to its most established patterns when emotions are high.
Instead, you look things you used to feel in your bones—like that you’re a fraud or you’ll never reach your goals or it’s too late for you—and think, Why would I even think that? How weird.
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Memory reconsolidation only mechanism the brain has to create this kind of permanent, thorough change.
And once you’ve experienced it, you’ll be astonished at the difference between its results and any others shifts you’ve tried to make. After memory reconsolidation, all that day-to-day stuff that you struggle with now just solves itself, because it no longer feels like you’re playing for such high emotional stakes with every move.
You don’t have to fight yourself to get to work—or to actually take time off. You can work at the edge of your capacities with a sense of safety and excitement and fun, because the prospect making mistakes or encountering criticism no longer feels like an apocalyptic threat.
Rather than learning how to fight your brain more successfully, you get a brain you don’t have to fight in the first place.
The Process
We get your brain there via three key steps:
I. Revealing the hidden map
Most of us look for help because we feel tangled up in bunch of feelings, stories and self-judgments we can’t seem make sense of. Like a cat thrashing around in a bag, we can’t even see exactly what’s causing us pain moment by moment, much less how to get to daylight.
Our first step is to turn this confusing mess into a clear and comprehensible map of exactly what's happening in your brain. First, I teach you a bunch of tools to analyse the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for you every day. Then we use this information to chart out the core emotional learning that is causing all the current problems. Rather than feeling like you’re struggling against some big, mysterious internal force, you’ll have specific, concrete and complete-able checklist of the deep beliefs that we’re going to change.
II. Memory reconsolidation
I guide you through a bespoke process that sets up and then enables memory reconsolidation. It involves accessing the relevant bit of emotional learning, making it editable, and then storing a new belief in its place. The process collaborative, with lots of back and forth to ensure we're making exactly the changes you need. Afterward, people say things like, I remember being so afraid of speaking up in those meetings, but it feels like something I saw in a movie or that happened to someone else. The change is thorough and it’s permanent. Using the map we’ve created, we do this for the core bits of emotional learning keeping you stuck.
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III. Unlocking your talent fingerprint
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As those core bits of old learning get removed, we also design a new relationship to the things you are good at. I teach you how to identify and explore your talent fingerprint—the absolutely unique way that your particular skills, passions, desires and goals come together. Instead of feeling lacking and behind and like you should have someone else’s achievements, you’ll feel absolutely delighted with who you are and what you can do. Sometimes people worry that having this sense of self-sufficiency will remove their drive, but you'll find precisely the opposite is true. What you can do in the world from this sense of freedom and lightness will blow your mind.
I take you through this process in my intensive, ultra-small-group programme, Blazing Talents.
I started this programme when I realised that I could get people faster results this way than I could in one-to-one coaching.
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There are several reasons a group is more effective, but the most important is the 360-degree view you get. When I coach you, it’s an intense experience that shifts the furniture in your brain in real time. But when you watch me coach others, you can zoom out, see the patterns at work, and connect the dots to the techniques and concepts you’re learning. The interplay between these different kinds of learning is like rocket fuel. ​​
If someone I loved needed help, I would send them to Jane.
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–Alun Parry, Director, Liverpool Psychotherapy Group and author of How to Remove a Trauma Response
Blazing Talents
The programme is also immersive and intensive on purpose. Unlike most coaching programmes, we meet twice a week, which means making these changes is going to be front and centre for you—and we have a ton of time to work together directly.
You'll also get live teaching every week that introduces you key tools and concepts, tailored to the specific issues you encounter. There's time for discussion, plus you practice guides and sheets so you can apply what you're learning.
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Our online forum gives you access to text-based coaching on demand. This means we can work together in-between calls, you can share your responses to the worksheets and respond to coaching questions I've asked you to explore.
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You don't have to worry that you will drift away, check out or become bored with the process. You'll feel fascinated, switched on and all in—and you'll change faster than seems possible.
2 x weekly coaching calls on zoom
Live teaching every week
On demand text-based coaching Monday-Friday
Weekly practice sheets and guides
The Results
We wind up looking for help because we can't seem to solve one key problem: we are acting against ourselves. We know we want to actually do our work, but we can't. Or we know we want to actually enjoy our lives while there is time, but we can't do that either. We're getting slowly (or rapidly) ground down by this internal friction that we don't even understand.
When you work with me, we end this fight for good. No more feeling like your own worst enemy. No more wasting energy on a battle where no matter which side wins, you lose.
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If you've been hiding from the things you know you want to do, this will look like finally having capacity to show up big for yourself and the future you care about, to know you'll meet your goals, and to not be afraid of people seeing exactly who you are.
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From being terrified to take action for years and often decades, my clients have found themselves finally able to finish their second film, start their PhD, release their software, get a book contract, complete a successful funding round, go after a big promotion and take early retirement.
Once you leave hiding-mode beyind, you won't come at challenges defeated by yourself ahead of time. You'll trust yourself enough to know that you'll always find a way through.
If you've been chasing goal after goal without ever feeling any relief, you're going to get the ability to choose what you actually want to achieve rather than feeling like any challenge you encounter must be vanquished or else.
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For my clients, this often looks like a rediscovery of parts of themselves that felt lost or were barely even remembered. People have finally changed careers, rediscovered their love of music, begun writing again for the first time in decades and embraced, secret long-standing goals that they always worried were too frivolous in the past.
Giving up chasing-mode doesn't mean giving up your superhuman ability to get shit done. It means you're finally able to apply that ability selectively—which means you are able to enjoy time off as well. You no longer feel like life is passing you by while you churn through accomplishments. You have actual permission to play.
If, like many of us, you bounce between hiding and chasing, you're going to see results across the board. No more hiding from the big successes, and no more compulsively chasing every goal post either.
You won't be wishing they had someone else's life or achievements or satisfactions. Instead, you'll feel enthusiastic about your options, engaged by what you're doing and curious about where you'll go next. You'll wake up excited by exactly where and who you are.
​Got questions?
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Some of the most frequently asked questions about Blazing Talents are below. For questions about my coaching practice in general (including pricing) see the main FAQ. Any other queries, contact me directly or book a consult.
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How much direct contact will I get with you?
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You'll have at least seven opportunities to be coached by me over the course of the programme, and you'll have on-demamd access to coaching from me Monday-Friday coaching via Slack, an online messaging system. You'll also receive weekly live teaching sessions, when you'll be able to ask me questions.
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What if I'm an introvert?
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Introverts: I am one of you! So I've ensured that this group enables people like us to thrive. There is plenty of time for learning in peace, reflecting quietly you're learning, and interaction one-to-one. Plus the programme is designed to foster learning in parallel rather than group interaction. In practice, this means you see each other get coached, but no one contributes to that exchange except me and the person getting coached. It's never a group discussion.
This format creates a dynamic that is inherently respectful and supportive, because people are always in listening-mode rather than talking-mode when it comes to one another's experiences. You never have to fear what you might hear from other group members, because the only responses will come from me.
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Maybe equally important, something really powerful happens in our brains when we know we can only witness rather than weigh in—a rare and valuable situation in this interactive age. Once the chance to comment is taken off the table, we start to slow down and really absorb what we're seeing instead. It's basically the polar opposite to what happens in our usual lives online. And the learning that happens in this witnessing-only mode is on a different level.
Of course, this doesn't mean you can't ask questions about an aspect of coaching I offered someone else, whether for clarification or to understand how it might apply to you. Being able to follow up after you take something in and think about it is crucial too. But this would be distinct from any comment on someone else's experience.
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The one place where direct interaction is absolutely invited is in the area of our message board devoted to victories, where you share your wins and everyone helps you celebrate.
What will the other poeple in the group be like?
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They will be like a lot you in some key ways (very smart, ambitious and unsatisfied with the status quo of their lives) because that's who the programme is designed for. They'll be doing a lot of different things with skills. I've worked with hardware programmers, poets, sociologists and fashion designers, among many others. You'll likely also find some surprises in how much people you might think somewhat different from the outset turn out to be very similar to you under the hood. One of the many powerful things about group coaching is that you'll emerge with a strong sense that there are way more people like you than you realised, and we're all in this together.
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I wish Jane could teach her techniques to my therapist so therapy could be a transformative for me as this program has been!
–Michelle C.
Professor